Last week, I was scrolling through my Facebook News Feed, passing time while my husband drove us to our son’s karate practice & belt promotion ceremony.
Without warning, I landed on a status update that didn’t make any sense. It was a death announcement on a dear friend’s Facebook wall. She had died just hours before.
Normally, I would have kept it together and waited until my husband wasn’t driving to tell my family this news. Normally.
But, this was so shocking! So unexpected. My husband and I know this family well. I shared the news immediately and we were all in disbelief.
I learned that she had been in the hospital since Monday of that week. I didn’t know.
In the days since her passing, I’ve reconnected with friends we had in common that I haven’t talked to in a long time. While all of us were shocked and saddened, it is astounding how so many of us seem to know exactly what she would want.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but my friend lived her life in a way that, in many ways, prepared us for her death – in the best way possible. She lived out clear values and boundaries that are surprisingly comforting even without her here.
Here are the lessons my friend taught with her life that unintentionally prepared us to grieve her death:
Look to God to Meet Your Needs
She was a strong, independent woman, a wife, mother and minister. But despite her many responsibilities, her source of strength, love and peace came from one source – God. She wasn’t needy, she didn’t wait for the approval of others to feel accepted and loved. You could tell from the way she carried herself and the way she shared her heart that she had an unshakable Source of strength that no human could match.
Love God, Love Others
She truly loved God with her heart, soul and strength and demonstrated her love for God and others. She was full of life and she truly cared – about what was going on in your life, how she could pray for you and how she could help in your time of need.
Compassion, Yes! Pity? Not So Much
She didn’t just talk about taking action, she actually took it. She organized countless acts of service for those in need and for the community. Compassion was her “jam” – love in action. But, she lovingly dismissed all forms of “pity” – self-pity, pity on her, etc. Being sad is ok – there is a time to grieve and mourn. But, don’t you dare let sadness stop you from being who God called you to be! She wouldn’t stand for that.
Call a Spade a Spade
She was unafraid to tell people the truth, even if that truth was uncomfortable. She knew how to handle conflict, and she shared truth in a spirit of love and excellence. She inspired me on more than one occasion to speak up when I knew I needed to (rather than hide behind the fear of hurting others). She was known to affectionately threaten those she loved by saying, “Knock it off or I’ll punch you in the throat!” if we acted up (or if we came between her and her coffee!) She could make us smile even while being brutally honest.
Life is Hard, but God is Good
She was never a “Pollyanna” Christian who didn’t recognized hardships in life. But, she met hardship with an unflappable faith. When hard things happened, she was known to refer to Romans 8:28 and remind us that “Life is Hard, but God is Good!” I can just hear her saying, “Yes! I’m with Jesus and you will all be fine. Just keep following Him. We’ll see each other soon! Let’s get this party started!”
People don’t like to talk about death, but it is a reality for all of us. Can you ever really be “prepared” for it? Maybe not entirely.
But, we can live our lives in a way that clearly reflects who we are.
We can live out our values to their fullest extent.
We can connect with others in meaningful relationships.
When we do that, we set the stage for how we will be remembered. My friend prepared us for her death by doing just that.
She inspires me to do the same.
Thank you, my friend.
In Loving Memory
Laurie Delaney Jayne
1972-2016