No matter how much you’ve actually accomplished in life, there is no test quite so unnerving as responding to the simple question:

“So, what do you do?”

This is a simple pleasantry, a social platitude, really. It’s an efficient way to “get to know” someone better.

But, implied in this question is a measurement of sorts — of your professional, financial and even social standing.

We can bring a lot of anxiety into the process of answering:

• What if I don’t meet the expectations of the person asking?
• What if I’m not interesting enough?
• What if I’m not important enough?
• What if I’m not good enough?

Too often we give an underwhelming response or we feel so insecure, we underplay what we can bring to the conversation.

But, here’s the big secret:

The person asking probably doesn’t care 10% as much as you do about how you answer.

The person asking you this question is most likely just being polite while, deep down, trying to figure out 1 of 2 things:

1. Whether or not you can advance them in some way.
2. How long until you’re done talking so they can get back to talking about themselves.

Instead of feeling anxious or inadequate about your answer, become a master conversationalist by giving the asker what he/she really wants – the opportunity to continue focusing on themselves.

Here’s my #1 tip to wiggle out of the anxiety-inducing small talk cycle:

1. Answer quickly with something low-key and respond, “And, what do you do?”

All attention about the specifics of “what you do” will be forgotten – no anxiety or feelings of inadequacy needed!

But, wait – being forgotten isn’t the goal, is it?

You want to avoid the unpleasantness of measurement by small talk, but you still want to be heard.

Great news. There is a simple method to do just that.

Start with my #1 tip…then take a few more steps.

1. Answer quickly with something low-key and respond, “And, what do you do?”
2. Make genuine eye-contact as they speak.
3. Listen actively.
4. Ask intelligent questions.
5. Be generous. Genuinely encourage him/her and ask how you can help them (with their career, their business).

Suddenly, you’ve transformed yourself from a random acquaintance to a potential friend and ally.

Instead of worrying about what you do, spend your time choosing who you will be. Be present. Be connected. Genuinely care more about the person on the other side of the conversation than you do about having a catchy response to a polite question.

The way you make a person feel matters more than anything you can say about yourself anyway.

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